I would make a sizable bet that most of us wish fervently for a world where the above statements are truths and not wishes. I want young men of color to survive playing with friends and growing up and traveling to and from school. I hope they remember that much like harsh words, a punch can never be redacted, and should never, ever, be used as a first resort.I want black men to not be shot while pulled over. I want cops not to be murdered by snipers during nonviolent protests. I feel like focusing on them, and focusing on what kind of people they are, will yield a much greater return on investment than making them practice their right hook.Īnd if they do ever find themselves on the receiving end of someone else’s anger? I hope they stand up for themselves. I’ve taught them to be kind, to show love for themselves and others, to live as peacefully as possible with the people around them. What I have taught them is that violence isn’t the answer (and that includes violent words as well). So no, I haven’t taught my children to hit back. Without knowing any specifics, a simple and confident, “I don’t like that,” “That hurt”, or “I won’t let you hit me,” might be a good place to start. Hitting is what happens when you need to go on the OFFENCE, and it is not the answer for a one-off hit from a school yard bully. You learn blocks, you learn holds, you learn defense. In fact, if you’ve ever taken a self defense course, you would have learned that hitting is actually a last resort. But standing up for yourself, and yes, even defending yourself, does not need to involve hitting.
I am not in any way suggesting that you should just sit back and let yourself be hit. It sends the exact opposite message of the one you wanted to send: that hitting is wrong.Īnd make no mistake. (Much like spanking, but that’s another topic for another day) It escalates instead of deescalates. Hitting in response to hitting is the height of hypocrisy. So, Johnny’s going to learn to keep his hands to himself by getting punched by someone else who can’t keep his hands to himself? I don’t really expect someone this young to see the irony in these words, but as adults we certainly should. Cuz Johnny’s gonna learn to keep his hands to himself.” What we don’t want to do is to teach them that might makes right.Ĭaidyn says if little Johnny is going to punch him in the face, then little Johnny’s gonna “catch these hands. so they won’t want to go bullying anyone in the first place.
How we give our children a sense of pride, a sense of positive self-ownership, a sense of confidence, a sense of selflessness, a sense of kindness, a sense of humility ….
How we build each other up, instead of tearing them down. How we treat others in the presence of our children. That it begins with how we treat our children. I do believe… strongly, very very strongly… that it begins at home. I think like most things, it is multi-faceted, and needs to be looked at from lots of different angles. This is for real.Īnd honestly? I don’t know the answer. We’ve got parents bullying kids, spouses bullying spouses, strangers bullying strangers. I think it’s telling that this is the second time in just a couple of weeks that I’ve felt compelled to write about bullying. Now, I don’t know who Caidyn Bennett is, but this is an adorable child.
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